


and maybe tomorrow

by gwmclintock88



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Hopeful Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-16
Updated: 2014-10-16
Packaged: 2018-02-21 10:44:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2465363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gwmclintock88/pseuds/gwmclintock88
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Smile, what's the use of crying?<br/>You'll find that life is still worthwhile, if you just smile" - Nat King Cole</p>
            </blockquote>





	and maybe tomorrow

                She got up every morning to the ringing of a song on her clock-radio. Her routine was the same, day in and day out, now that she returned to London. Simple workout – which she enjoyed more than she thought she would – followed by a quick shower and getting dressed before heading out for the day’s work. A stop at the local bakery to get her morning tea and a little something to last her until she remembered to go out for lunch, and then off to work she went.

                “Morning,” she said to anyone passing by with a smile on her face. Most ignored her cheeriness but some would return the smile, happy to spread the joy she portrayed.

                At work, she’d make small talk, or try to, in an effort to make some friends. She was succeeding, a little bit at a time, and things definitely were looking up for her since she was escorted upstairs and helped retrieve an asset. Yes, things were definitely getting better.

                Jemma Simmons loved science, and here, she got to work on the cutting edge of science. She tried not to think about what the science was used for, or on who. She tried not to consider those that thought she betrayed them, or would think that, should they ever find out where she worked. There were more important things to consider and balance against the job she now held (well below her skills, but still, she got to investigate building blocks of life).

                So she smiled.

                Everyone at the office knew her to be that happy person, and it seemed ot pay off. Always a kind word to share, never dismissive or angry, she carried that smile with her a shield. It held off those awkward questions from almost everyone, and she never had to focus on those other thoughts.

                She couldn’t think of how she left things with Fitz, how she said goodbye and goodbye, of how she left him alone for a mission given to her by the Director. Of how she all but abandoned him, after telling him she didn’t – couldn’t feel the same way he felt about her.

                So she smiled.

                She couldn’t think of how she walked away from Skye, of how much it hurt to not really say goodbye to her, even though she wanted to let the woman know. The first woman she ever really looked at differently than she looked at her other paramours and casual lovers. Of how she gave up a chance at maybe being happy in favor of committing herself to SHIELD and to her mission.

                So she smiled.

                She excused herself to the bathroom after steadily working through the morning. No one followed her, though the cameras probably watched her every movement. She ignored that invasion of her privacy as she walked away from her workstation and cover. She checked the bathroom for anyone else before she left her emotions bubble to the surface. 

                Jemma hunched over the sink, breathing deeply and slowly. She calmed herself down, trying to rain in the sadness that kept her on edge all of the time. Her fingers gripped the edges of the sink for a moment before letting go to turn on the facet. She rubbed her hands together under the cold water, shocking some feeling back into them. She avoided looking into her eyes as she stared at her reflection.

                Behind her smile, she saw the hours she missed sleeping, the thoughts left creeping just at the recesses of her mind. The tears she never could cry (not now, not here) were near, but never welled up or threatened to spill. Not when there was so much at stake and not when she gave up so much to be here.

                Instead, she could only whisper the words in silence. Tell her reflection what she wanted to tell Skye.

                “I love you,” she whispered to the face staring back at her. A face she wished belong to her hacker. “I love you, and I’ll come home soon.”

                She believed in the delusion of the second part, if only so she’d get through another day behind enemy lines. She held tight to that dream of telling Skye those words in person, and clung to the thoughts of getting home safely.

                If only so she could keep smiling.

**Author's Note:**

> I own nothing. Agents of SHIELD is owned by Marvel and Disney. Nat King Cole sung this song originally (in 1954), and it is based upon an instrumental from Modern Times (released in 1936).
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this little ficlet.
> 
> Good night and good luck.


End file.
